<font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b>i've had my share of relationships in the past but the last one i had would probably be a very big what if in my life.. every time i think about it i get a big lump in throat and i start to wonder how i could stand to be here in an online dating site. </b></i></font><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b><br /></b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b>it was a long distance relationship. it was very different though. my friends tell me it's stupid and that i was stupid to be in it. it's not the typical type of LDR which includes chatting, video calling, and emailing. we just texted. it lasted 2 years and 7 months. and believe it or not, i haven't laid eyes on him ever. i never knew how he looked like. i never even heard his voice. yeah he would call but he'd just listen to me talking or crying. but i loved him. i dreamt of us finally meeting, going on dates, enjoying each other's company, things like that. whenever we talk about it he would tell me he'd come home to me (he's only in cebu and i was in manila then. it's just an hour away by plane) but in the time that we were together, he never made it home to me. </b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b><br /></b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b>i lost my social life because he was too jealous of my guy friends. so in order to avoid arguments i didn't go out anymore. i only do so when he approves of it. his sister would call to check on me if i got home on time. there were also times when i would receive offensive messages from some of his girl friends telling me that i don't deserve him coz im poor and he's rich, he's handsome and im ugly, and that he's single and im with baggage. they tell me im a s*** coz i got pregnant before marriage. that's basically the main reason why his parents don't like me, he said. but i took it all. i never fought back, there's no point anyway. </b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b><br /></b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b>and in spite of everything, i stayed with him. believed everything he said, even those empty promises he gave me. all because i love him. i loved him. in my mind i truly believed that he'd come home to me and that he'd keep his promises. maybe that's what kept me going. but one day it dawned on me how my life has started to revolve around him and him only. i felt like i was prisoner, a prisoner of myself and this delusion that we'd really be together. once again i asked him to come home to me, for the nth time he said he would but as expected, he never did. that was it. the last straw. i could not bear another frustration, i couldn't hold on to something im not even sure was real. i was devastated. i was crushed. i felt like a part of me had died when the relationship ended. but i was liberated from the chains that held me. it also left me with what ifs.. what if i stayed? would we have worked? what if he was my soulmate?.. it was very difficult. thinking about it almost brought me back but i didn't. </b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b><br /></b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#663300">i pulled myself together, i had no choice. life has to go on. i changed my mobile number and erased all his messages from my phone to give myself a clean start. i joined an online dating site a few months ago and  this is the second site i joined, not knowing what to expect and not knowing if the search will be fruitful. my friends tell me that this is gonna be another headache, another waste of trust, effort, and love. but what the heck. </font><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#3300CC">that's what we are made for. to love and be loved.</font><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#663300"> i still believe that not all men are the same. </font><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0033">some will break your heart but others will make you complete.</font><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#663300"> i hope to find the latter. </font></b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b><br /></b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b><br /></b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b><br /></b></i></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3" color="#663300"><i style="background-color:rgb(153,255,255);"><b><br /></b></i></font></div><div><br /></div>